Monday, August 17, 2009

Prolegomena (b): Gettin' Ready



The question arises: can I do it? Although I am a man of considerable laziness, lying on one's back for sixty days is a venture. Will I fugue into crazytown? Probably not, but I will be rather uncomfortable at times {bed pan, horizontal showers, etc}.

What is needed? Practice. How? The Alpha Female and I will be moving to California and I will be doing the Driving of Items while she flies. Mr. Google tells me that the drive will be 2K miles. Awesome. And so, in preparation for the NASA study, I will try to stay in the car, eating and sleeping and occasionally driving, for the entire duration of the drive. Only for excretion and intake of urine and gasoline (
¿respectively?) will I venture from the automobile. This should be considerably uncomfortable and, with enough coffee, I might fugue.

I have about two weeks before the jaunt. If an update is not posted within three weeks, it probably means I am dead.

Request: once dead, please inter me boxless underneath the sapling of some kind of fruit tree from which one can make pie {apple, cherry, peach, etc}. Once said tree fruits {a few years down the line}, distribute fruit to relations to make pie. Watch them finish eating said pie, inform them they are eating the transformed gristle of their dead kin. Laughter ensues.

"No, seriously, he's buried underneath the tree."

Cue awkward silence and vague nausea.

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